Intro and This Week

INTRODUCTION

I've been called too emotional, I've been told to calm down. The actual need for me to regulate my emotions and to calm down didn't start hitting me until recently, after calling it quits on the second relationship in my life in which I allowed myself to envision an ever after - happily or unhappily. Much wiser now about all of my faults, I have endeavored to journey into the world of managing my emotions instead of letting them loose in whatever form they choose to take.

Every week there is an objective, a skill to put into practice that you may use to manage your emotions. One of the major overarching objectives of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is mindfulness - achieving a peaceful state that is between the emotional mind and the rational mind. Mindfulness takes into account the emotions one is feeling about a situation and the rational thoughts one has about a situation.

GOAL FOR THE WEEK

This week I'm working on cheerleading statements. I needed it because I've been sliding into depressive mode lately, thinking that the world owes me something and that it's everyone else's fault that I'm not getting my needs met.

Officially, cheerleading statements are those in which you tell yourself it is OK to ask for things, it is Ok to assert yourself if you really care about something, and it is OK to say "No" to someone if you need to.

My take on it was just cheerleading in general. For example, I felt a little chunky one morning and told myself I looked fabulous anyway. The next day a random (and gorgeous) guy at a coffee shop told me I looked beautiful.

That same beautiful day at my job, I was yelled at by my clients twice for things that weren't my fault. I tried telling myself that I was fine, that it wasn't my fault (it really wasn't)...but my brain wasn't listening. However, driven by this week's goal, I persisted and insisted that I listen to my positive messages. It started to work! I was still sad but, drying my tears, I knew that while I could cry I didn't need to let these things ruin my day.

I've been so used to putting myself down all of my life so that other people could be my cheerleaders that this week has been really difficult for me. The guys that I dated who really held a mirror up to me and made me see myself - they've been their own best cheerleaders. Their self-support has driven me nuts! What was I supposed to do while they were cheering themselves on? They were taking my job away! And why would they expect compliments from me when they were so hung up on themselves?

Now, I understand that certain people are hung up on themselves, but I'm also beginning to understand the value of being your own cheerleader, your own best friend.

The second part of this week's goal is imagining yourself being successful in different situations. Imagine yourself going through a rough situation and cheer yourself on! Think of exactly what you would do or say to make the situation a good one for you, and KNOW that you will do or say it. Then, tell yourself you kick ass. Because you do. :-)